A typical night

To deal with the nights, we have all decided to take turns staying with dad.  My turn was last night.  Typically he goes to bed around 9:30.  On a good night, he will sleep until 2 or so...  a good night.

Last night was not a good night.  He slept until 12 and then was restless the entire evening.  He talked all night to ???  He moved around (as much as he can move around) and constantly pulled the sheets off. 

I might have logged a few hours.  It is an honor to take care of him.  I know he would do it for me (or at least make sure mom did..)  He always took care of the family.  Now it is our turn....

Two weeks later

It is amazing the difference two weeks can make.  I am learning and realizing how much I take time for granted and how much time I actually waste.

Two weeks ago, dad was struggling, but able to get around.  We had to be there to steady him, but he could get around.  We just helped.

Today, he is in a wheel chair and not able to take a step.  If we were not there, he would fall.  Two weeks and what a difference.....

Never put off to tomorrow what you NEED to do/say/write/deal with today.  Tomorrow has enough junk in it to deal with and tomorrow you may not be able to do what you could have done today. 

Two more weeks?  Who knows what it will bring....  we just need to live in today and take what today offers.  Enjoy the conversations you can today.  Laugh today.  Cry today.  Just do it today.

I get to hang with my Dad today

Dad is at the point where we have to have someone in the house with him at all times.  Today - my turn.

What makes today different for me is that I usually am preaching about now...  but today is different.  I am on vacation for the next few weeks and plan to spend as much of it as I can with Dad. 

Normally my family and I go away for our vacation.  Being a pastor and staying home for vacation is not a good idea.  Life stops for no one and when you are around, you still get the calls....

This year - our schedule had to change.  No building projects, no trips.  Just time to spend with dad. 

I guess it is safe to say that we all  live like we have all the time in the world. I will spend time with my family tomorrow;  I will get that done tomorrow;  I will see that person tomorrow;  tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.  And yet as followers of Christ, we know in our HEADS that we are not promised tomorrow.  We just don't believe it.  IF we did, we would do those things that we intend to do tomorrow TODAY.  Spend time with my kids; deal with unresolved stuff from the past;  say what needs to be said - we just plan on doing it sometime in the future......

SO......

What needs to be done today?  Who do I need to speak to today?  How do I resolve that issue TODAY?  I will let tomorrow take care of itself.

TODAY- I get to hang with my dad.  TODAY - I get to spend time with my son on his way to camp.  TODAY - I get to pick up the stuff in Bangor that  I have intended to pick up for a month now... TODAY.

TODAY I will make sure my wife knows I love her.  TODAY I will make sure Justin knows his dad cares about him and is interested in the stuff of his life.  TODAY - I will make sure that I spend the time with God that I need to to be OK.

TODAY is going to be a good day.

TODAY.

The Same Conversation

Part of dealing with Lewy Body is understanding the dementia part of it.  Dad is confused most of the time.  While he recognizes people, he cannot tell you who they are.  He recognizes me, but does not really understand that I am his son. 

Every day we have the same conversation.  Without going into all the details, it is the same conversation.  The same questions, the same strange looks, the same raised eyebrows, the exact same conversation.  And it always ends in the same way.  "thanks for clearing that up for me.  that helps." 

As I am sitting on my deck enjoying day two of vacation, I am reminded that I seem to have the same conversations with God each day.  Same questions, same - exact same conversation.  usually it ends the same way:  "thanks for listening and for being such a big God." 

Nothing is cleared up for me.  I have so many questions as to why a man who served so faithfully for so many years has to deal with this.  Why?  God seems ok with my questions and I am glad for that.  He is very patient and seems ok with the same conversation.

"Hey God.."

"Yes"

"Um, nothing is changing.  You need to change a few things.  Do  I need to spell them out?"

"No, I understand."

"I know you understand, but are you going to fix this?"

"I am here whenever you need me.  I have promised that.  I will also meet you at your point of need - again - another promise." 

"But when are you going to fix this?  It should not be this way!" 

"I know.  But I am going to do things you can only imagine about.  You just need to hang in there and be faithful."

"OK.  But I would really like you to fix this.  I will talk to you again soon." 

and so goes the conversations.  Nothing gets fixed, but somehow we all seem to be able to manage.  Actually, not just manage, but grow.  His Grace is really sufficient.  He is who He said He is and HE will do what He has promised He will do.  His grace is enough.

My Dad's Journey

You have no idea how many times I have sat at this computer to try to put into words what our family is going thru.  My dad has been diagnosed with Dementia with Lewy Body.  We got the official diagnosis on July 1. 

Basically it is like having a form of Alzheimers and Parkensons all mixed up as one.  There are not many medications for this - most just make the symptoms worse.

It has been a foundation shaking kind of two weeks.  He is not going to get better - he is getting worse.  He is confused most of the time - his physical body is getting weaker.  Mom is like a rock - her faith in Who God is and that HE will do what HE has promised - absolutely amazing to be around and watch.

We are having some good moments.  Dad is no longer stressed about the things that usually stress him.  He laughs alot - alot!  His stomach, for the most part, does not bother him to much right now - probably due to the lack of stress.  Things will never be the same..

We are praying for healing, but God seems to be silent.  We are claiming His promise of grace and mercy in  our time of need.  HE is responding. 

Pray for our family.

All I needed was sleep....

On Tuesday, Tracy told me to get away for a few days.  I knew I was disconnecting, but did not realize it was that bad or noticable.   I just thought I was preoccupied and needed to get some things done....

Man was I wrong....

In the last few days my already overloaded plate got even more overloaded.  All I need to do is get some things done and it will all settle down and then I can get back to normal.

So I left town Wednesday morning with no idea where I would spend the night.  I just knew I would not answer the phone unless the call was from one of three people.  I told my secretary that I would be back in the office Friday morning and off I went. 

I crashed in a motel about 3 in the afternoon and before the little venture was over - I had logged about 15 or so hours of sleep.  It is amazing how much lighter a full plate feels when you are rested. 

I came home, cooked supper for the family and then went to bed Thursday night.  Today has been ok in the office - not too bad. 

All that brings me to this - why?  Why can't we seem to unplug for at least one day a week and just be.  Be quiet, be still, be loved, be.  Why can't we find it in  our vocabulary to say no to the urgent and pour ourselves into what is important?  When you add up all the time you spend on the urgent, you have very little to show.  Add up all the time you spend on the important, you have a family that loves you, a church that loves you and friends that actually want to be around you. 

Guess I need to learn to say No more to the urgent and focus on the important.   But first - I need more sleep!

Just for laughs

I Love my Family

 

I love my family.  Every time I look at a picture of how God has blessed me - I can only be amazed.  I never would have dreamed that I would have it this good.  We are not rich, we are not poor; we are not blissful, we are not angry; we are not hungry, we are not stuffed; we are not insane, we are not all there; we are in love with each other and are thankful for what God has given us.

I love my family.

Whatever happened to originality?

Just watched part of the Dove Awards again. I know - why?  It is like picking a scab - I know it is not good for me, I just can't help it.  The saddest part is that I really love music.  I love listening to Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, Jeremy Camp and the rest of the gang...

 

On the Gospel Music Channel, immediately following the Doves was a show called Gospel Dreams.  It is our version of American Idol.  You have got to be kidding..... 

 

Is it that Christian musicians are not good enough to be on American Idol?  Since we are not good enough to compete with the "rest of the world" we will have our own talent show.  There is no way that we can compete with great musicians so we have our own program. 

Wouldn't it be awesome if a Christian took front and center at the Grammy award show?  Wouldn't it be awesome if it was a Christian who won the Idol contest?  Wouldn't it be awesome if people began to associate talent with Christians - on their playing field? 

I guess we will keep peddling our Jesus Junk, t-shirts with really crummy slogans, bumper stickers that are obnoxious, and fish shaped objects for the back of our cars and wonder why no one will take us seriously.